sex & relationship therapy

hello, I’m Bima loxley (they/them)

I am a queer Clinical Sexologist who provides therapy for individuals, couples, multiple partnered relationships and families.

Sexology involves many facets including:

  • Sex: desire & arousal, sexuality, sexual health, sexual function & pain, low-esteem

  • Relationships: intimacy, conflict management, infidelity, life changes, relationship MOT & maintenance

  • Diversity: LGBTQIA+, Kink, Non Monogamy

    Click for more Specialities

How Therapy works

Our sessions together will be in the form of talking therapy (online over Zoom video - the image of my office to the left is what you’ll see on screen).

I will never ask you to undress in session and any set homework will be done out of the session with yourself or with a consenting partner(s).

Therapy is a great place to go when you’re aware that you may need some additional help. Luckily for you, the first step to helping yourself has already been taken; you’re here on this site! I am fully aware of what therapy can bring up for some folk, for example, feelings of anxiety, shame, vulnerability and possibly even excitement, so I will always make sure that the therapeutic space that I provide feels collaborative, reflexive and open minded, whilst also challenging enough to create the change you desire.

I work to the confidentiality and ethical standards set by COSRT. Any complaints you have can be directed to myself or to COSRT.

Coming to therapy requires work, but it is rewarding work that is full of passion and compassion. We will usually have weekly sessions of 50 minutes, or possibly longer if you wish, but in some weeks I may set tasks to do at home and this is where the work begins. I am here to guide you and give you the tools you need, but you will be the one choosing to use them.

I work integratively, which means I work with you and tailor fit our therapy to you and what you best need. I am a diversity-inclusive therapist who works with all clients regardless of race, gender, sexuality, age (18+), or disability. My practice revolves around naming and acknowledging societal discrepancies, bigotries & systems of oppression, as well as challenging the dominant discourses that affect us all. I am white and I am slim; I am queer and I am neurodivergent. Intersectionality matters to me.

I am UK based, but am insured to work online world-wide, except the USA and Canada.

If you would like to know more about me you can read my Specialties section or the About Me section where I explain my limitations or you can even Contact Me to ask.

is therapy right for you?

Choosing a therapist is like dating, we’re not always going to find our perfect match straight away, so we have to try a few out before we commit. This is why I offer a 15-minute free consultation; to get to know each other, to see if we’re the right fit, and to see if sex & relationship therapy is what you want. You may find that if you’re suffering from severe anxiety or depression that goes beyond my psychosexual and relational approach, I may refer you on.

If the consultation goes well, or if you choose not to have one at all, we can then book an initial session. First sessions are a bit more formal and are used for information gathering about yourself. We will discuss the therapy agreement; figure out your goals and expectations of therapy; have a look into your history and how you relate with others and assess if you have any trauma or medical conditions that need addressing first.

After we decide whether to continue with sessions or not, we can then book in a regular, 50-minute spot for your therapy, which will be open-ended. If you’re having relationship therapy, we may decide that you would prefer to have one individual session each, so I can get to know you all a little more in a separate space, before then continuining as a group. We can also book in a single session that is more solution focussed for you if long term therapy isn’t an option.

Some of you may already have another therapist and this can be OK, especially if you’re talking about topics that do not relate to sex & relationships. Bring it up with me when we meet, so we can discuss if having two therapists at once is appropriate and right for us both and we can go from there.

testimonials

  • A, 23

    “Working with Bima has been amazing. They are so comforting and assuring and they gave me the resources I need to continue to find myself outside of therapy! It was very important to me to find a queer therapist, or one who is knowledgeable in queer issues, and Bima is exactly that and very accepting. I came to therapy looking to "fix" myself but ended it accepting myself. Bima helped me not only with sex and relationships, but in my everyday life. I was very nervous to start therapy, and felt my issues were not enough, but Bima made me feel very comfortable and that my trauma is valid. I felt I could talk about things I wouldn't with anyone else. I did not have a plan for therapy, or any idea how I could help myself, and Bima guided me on my journey. I cannot thank them enough for how much they have helped me, and will continue to help me with the things they have taught me.”

  • S, 31

    “Working with Bima has been an incredible experience. I came to therapy for an issue I have struggled with for as long as I can remember, which over the years had become increasingly linked to shame owing to strict cultural norms, and multiple dismissive responses from many healthcare professionals. So when starting therapy, I was fearful of having my problems minimised and hopeless that my difficulties could improve. However, my experience with Bima could not have been more different – Bima made me feel safe and heard, and they created a space in which I was able to speak about the most shameful and painful parts of myself and my past, free of judgement and full of compassion and curiosity. Throughout my work with Bima, they skilfully helped me to become more aware of the assumptions that were holding my sexual difficulties stuck, of how my relationship to my body contributed to these difficulties, and most importantly, helped me challenge these critical beliefs and assumptions so I could grow in confidence and become more accepting of myself. I left every session with a new understanding of myself, my sexuality, my body and my relationship, as well as with skills and tools to help build up my self-confidence and break out of the cycles that kept my problems going. I feel more informed and empowered than I ever imagined I could following my work with Bima, and I cannot thank you enough for all your care and support.”

  • D, 45

    “I started my sessions with Bima with a focus on overcoming PE but quickly discovered the benefits of talking about my relationship with my wife in a much broader sense. This is credit to Bima who was able to make me feel comfortable discussing sensitive issues and encouraged me to reflect on my own actions and its impact on those I love. I’m much more emotionally aware and empathetic than I was before counselling and I thank Bima for finding the right balance of when to support me and when to challenge me.”

  • F, 25

    “ Every session I had with Bima I left feeling empowered, reassured, heard, and cared about. I approached Bima with issues I had been struggling with for my entire adult life that filled me with incredible shame and turmoil and I was met with nothing but reassurance and kindness, void of any judgement. Bima helped me develop the skills I needed to face these issues head-on and win. Often, I look back on our sessions and credit them with being integral to the confidence I now proudly inhabit. Bima supported me with my difficulties with sex, intimacy, and shame, and helped me learn that I deserve to be a happy, healthy, self-loving sexual being. As a trans person, it was so important for me to speak to someone who understands the queer experience and has worked with other queer clients. I felt I could open up in ways I otherwise wouldn't have been able to. I cannot recommend their services enough. Thank you, Bima, for all your wonderful support.”

COSRT Registered Member 4051

Registered Member of COSRT